Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will be naked everywhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
