I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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