Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
