two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
