the condom got lost in my hair
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
