Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
