Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
