Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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