so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
