Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
