I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
