Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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