she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize