What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize