i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
