What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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