the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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