So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
