If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
