I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
