yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
