I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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