guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
