So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
