i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
