How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
