If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
