Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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