we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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