Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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