Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
