I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
