Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
