Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
