When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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