Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
