It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
