I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
