idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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