My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
