she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
People in love make me want to vomit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
