I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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