Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
