just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She bit a glass in half.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
