I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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