just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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