I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
