i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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