Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
