so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
