It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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