Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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