she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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