My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
