And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
