when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
