I cannot find my penis.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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