Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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