apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
