How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
