The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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