I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
