It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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