what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
