i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
