So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
