Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
