Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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