Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We smell like vodka and hangover
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