you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
