Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she looked like the before picture.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
