Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
