I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
