i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
