I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
