It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
